Breaking the Cycle: How Women Can Overcome Embarrassment and Shame Around Personal Finance

When it comes to personal finance, many women feel disconnected, uncomfortable or even downright embarrassed. According to a study by The National Endowment for Financial Education (NEFE), 70% of women report feeling uncomfortable about their financial situation, and many struggle with confidence when it comes to managing their finances.

For some, this sense of shame stems from past financial mistakes, missed opportunities or feeling like they’re not "doing it right." Over time, these feelings can create a barrier between women and their finances, leading to avoidance and a lack of confidence.

This lack of engagement with their finances can snowball, leaving them feeling stuck and overwhelmed. However, it’s important to recognize that personal finance is a journey, not a destination, and there are actionable steps that women can take to break free from the cycle of shame and embarrassment.

Why Do Women Feel Embarrassed About Personal Finance?

There are several reasons why women might feel embarrassed or ashamed when it comes to managing their money:

Past Financial Mistakes: Maybe there was a bad investment, poor credit choices, or debt that accumulated during a difficult period. These past decisions can haunt women, making them feel like they're "bad with money," even though everyone makes a mistake at some point in their life.

Societal Expectations: Society often paints an unrealistic picture of what financial success should look like, and for many women, these standards can feel out of reach. This societal pressure to appear financially savvy or secure can contribute to feelings of inadequacy when reality doesn’t match up.

Lack of Financial Education: Financial literacy is not always a priority in many educational systems, leaving many women feeling underprepared when it comes to making informed financial decisions. The absence of knowledge can lead to feelings of confusion or fear.

Feeling Disempowered or Overwhelmed: Personal finance can feel like a complex puzzle. If women have never been taught how to approach things like budgeting, investing, or planning for retirement, they may feel discouraged from attempting to take control.

The Danger of Avoiding Finances

When women feel embarrassed or ashamed about their financial situation, their natural instinct is often to avoid it altogether. This is especially common when it comes to checking account balances, tracking spending or reviewing bills. The problem with this avoidance is that it compounds over time—missed payments, neglected accounts and unaddressed debt can lead to bigger problems down the road.

Ignoring finances can also prevent women from achieving their financial goals like homeownership, saving for retirement or simply feeling secure in their financial future. Furthermore, when you don’t engage with your finances, it’s hard to gain the confidence necessary to make positive changes.

Overcoming Financial Embarrassment: Small Steps Toward Confidence

It’s time to break the cycle of avoidance, embarrassment and shame. The good news is that with small, consistent steps, you can regain control over your finances and build a sense of confidence in your financial future. Here are some practical action steps to take:

1. Acknowledge and Accept Past Mistakes

The first step is recognizing that everyone makes financial mistakes. It’s important to forgive yourself for past missteps and realize that they don’t define you. Instead of feeling ashamed, try to view those mistakes as learning experiences that can inform your future decisions. Financial health is about progress, not perfection.

2. Start with a Financial Check-in

Instead of avoiding your finances, schedule a “financial check-in” with yourself. Set aside a small amount of time—maybe 15-20 minutes each week—and review where you stand. Look at your bank statements, track your spending, and assess your debts. This check-in will help you stay on top of things and give you a clearer picture of your financial health.

3. Set Realistic and Manageable Goals

One of the biggest obstacles to financial confidence is feeling overwhelmed by the task ahead. Rather than trying to tackle everything at once, break your goals into small, manageable steps. For example, you might focus on creating a monthly budget, paying off one small debt or building a small emergency fund. Each small success will build your confidence and momentum.

4. Educate Yourself

Financial literacy doesn’t have to be overwhelming. There are countless free resources available to help you understand the basics of personal finance. Look for beginner-friendly blogs, podcasts or online courses that cover topics like budgeting, managing credit scores or saving for retirement. The more you learn, the more empowered you will feel.

5. Get Support

You don’t have to go on this journey alone. Consider talking to a financial advisor who has experience with personal finance. Sometimes, simply discussing your concerns with someone can alleviate feelings of shame and help you see things from a new perspective. If you don't feel comfortable sharing your finances with someone else yet, start by finding an online community or support group for women and finance.

6. Celebrate Small Wins

As you begin to make progress, celebrate each small victory along the way. Whether you’ve paid off a credit card, set a budget or started saving for the future, each step is a success. These small wins will not only motivate you to keep going but will also increase your confidence in your ability to manage your finances.

Moving Beyond Embarrassment and Shame

Women often carry a heavy emotional load when it comes to finances, and it’s not uncommon to feel embarrassed or ashamed of past choices. However, the key to breaking free from this cycle is recognizing that no one is perfect, and financial success doesn’t come overnight.

By taking small, intentional steps—acknowledging past mistakes, educating yourself, setting manageable goals, and celebrating your progress—you can regain control of your finances and build the confidence you need to move forward.

Remember, every small action is a step toward greater financial security, and every small success is worth celebrating.

Take that first step today and give yourself the grace to learn and grow. You deserve it! For more tips like these, download my free ebook series that covers debt management, growing your income to save more, investing wisely and retirement planning. To learn what it's like to work with a financial advisor, you can book a free call with Life Story Financial.